Darlings, you know I would rather hose down my cashmere cape with ketchup than pay Snooki a compliment, but I can’t help but notice that her current ombre hair color isn’t totally unfortunate. At the very least, it distracts from the 2005-esque leopard fedora and general Snooki-ness. Has America’s favorite Guidette finally committed a fashion do?

Photo credit: Splash News

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Hot or Not: Snooki

I understand that endless nights spent stomping around LA’s hotspots in sky-high Manolos will eventually leave your fair little feet screaming in agony. But that’s no excuse for Vanessa Hudgens to saunter out to lunch in slippers. Slippers! Hey Vanessa–Snooki called, she wants her signature footwear back.

Photo credit: Splash News

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Hot Mess: Vanessa Hudgens

Unless you wobbled off your YSL slingbacks and bumped your head, I can’t imagine you would want to spritz on Eau du Snooki–especially considering her scent-spiration. The pint-sized Jersey Shore star told David Letterman that her upcoming fragrance will smell like being “DTF” which, in case you failed your last D-list vocabulary test, means “down to f—.” My noble-nosed readers, tell me what else Snooks should mix into her signature scent besides just a few whiffs of desperation?

Photo credit: Paul Drinkwater / AP

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The Smell of Snooki? You Don’t Want to Know…

In a fast-paced, ever-changing world, it’s good to know that some things remain consistent, like Snooki’s cringe-worthy fashion sense. A few weeks in uber-fashionable Florence doesn’t seem to have made a dent in this Jersey Shore girl’s look. She was spotted trotting around Seaside Heights, NJ in this Pretty Woman-esque outfit, complete with sparkly Hello Kitty purse. Are you sick of her street-walking style? Or do you kind of love that Snooki fist-pumps to the beat of her own fashion drum?

Photograph from Splash News

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Hot Mess: Snooki

I doubt you’ve ever thought to yourself, “Gee, I wish I had more of Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino in my life.” But, MTV apparently doesn’t care and is giving the ab-tastic reality star a spin-off show of his own. With Snooki, JWoww and Pauly D already inking deals for solo shows of their own, am I the only one for whom a little fist pumping is more than enough?

Photograph by Splash News

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Hot or Not: The Situation’s Solo Reality Show

“I want to be Snooki, I love her. I’m obsessed, I follow her around. She’s one of the only people I’ve asked for an autograph and a picture from because I love her and I’m inspired by her.”—Miley Cyrus giving us one more poofy reason to worry about her. Who should Miz Miley be idolizing instead—T-Swizzle? Kate Middleton? Lovely Leighton? Tell!

Photograph by Splash News

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Excerpt from:
Scene & Heard: Miley Cyrus on her Unlikely Idol

I know, I know—at this point I shouldn’t be surprised by Snooki’s inability to craft a decent outfit, and yet, here we are. Short girls, learn from Snooki’s mistakes and avoid ankle boots at all costs—they make legs look stumpy. Although, I do give the Jersey Shore trainwreck props for her fabulously un-poufed hair, and refreshing lack of Ed Hardy. What kind of shoes would you have paired with this dress?

Photograph from PR Photos

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Fashion Don’t: Snooki

“I thought Santa was so hawt. I used to be obsessed with going to all the different malls and sitting on his lap and getting a treat at the end. That’s how all girls should be treated by a man!” —Snooki admits that before she fell for Jersey Shore juiceheads, she only had eyes for one man. I wonder what the holidays are like at her house…

Photograph from PR Photos

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Scene and Heard: Snooki’s Santa Fetish

Some outfits look beautiful in person, but photograph worse than Snooki in fluorescent lighting. Example: Bachelorette Ali Fedotowsky’s peach silk dress in shimmery fabric. Gorgeous in the mirror, hideous in pics? Let’s give her the benefit of the doubt.  

Photograph from PR Photos

For a better use of shine, look to DWTS judge Carrie Ann Inaba’s glitzy mini. Much more chic and slimming, don’t you agree? 

Photograph from PR Photos

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Fashion Don’t: Ali Fedotowsky’s Silky Nightmare

Behold, the Snookster and her oddly compelling rendition of “Whip My Hair” by nine-year-old Willow Smith. I’d actually like to see Snooki and Willow go head-to-head . . . just to see who’s taller.